My “Why” for What I Do
I’ve always loved photography and when I started my business I honestly thought that was enough. I chose to specialize as a newborn and photographer baby photographer because I love being around the incredible purity of babies and providing lasting memories for families – again, I thought that was enough of a reason for my art. I couldn’t have been more wrong and I was soon to find out My “Why”.
Over the past year I have been on a personal journey to have a child. Unfortunately I have an infertility condition that effects 10% of women my age. My husband and I are in our third round of IVF. We had our latest embryo transfer yesterday and I am on bed rest as I write this.
Being a newborn photographer who is struggling to have a child of her own is a precarious position to be in. Many people would (and have) suggested that it is not “good for me” to continue this type of work during my struggle. That I should distance myself from babies to make it “not so hard”. I whole-heartedly disagree.
It has been through my darkest times and my deepest sorrow that I have realized the magnitude of the gift of motherhood. Each painful procedure, each test result revealing heartbreaking news and devastation, has only deepened my understanding of the blessing of children; made my passion for my art that much stronger.
As I photograph a maternity session now my intent is to make everything else melt away and show how amazingly beautiful the vessel of the female body is and celebrate the gravity of what it holds inside.
When a couple comes to my studio with their newborn child I shoot with complete understanding of the miracle that they hold in their arms. Their newborn is a piece of art in itself, not something “guaranteed” but something truly gifted to them.
As I get a 4-month-old baby to look at me and smile I feel as though they are connecting to my soul from another, greater place because I can appreciate what a treasure they are to this world and it provides me with great happiness. It’s as if they are letting me know that everything is, and will be, okay.
Until now I have kept my business and my journey separate, out of fear of making others uncomfortable. I realize now that it is this journey that fuels my art and has given it authenticity. My work has changed for the better and continues to grow, as do I.
My “Why” is now a part of me.
Whatever the outcome of my journey, I am dedicated to becoming a mother; whether through my body or otherwise. I am certainly not alone in my infertility and I hope the developing sisterhood and support of women who experience it continues to grow. Being brave enough to be open about it helps all of us.